Film Reviews

‘Girl House’ Proves to be a Modern and Flashy Slasher for the New Generation

Us 80s and 90s babies grew up with classic slasher films like Friday the 13th, Halloween, Sleep Away Camp, Scream, and all the cheestastic imitations B-films. We were scared of them then and we love them now. We loved them so much, we gave them their own sub-genre of horror. As we got older and our tastes became more vast, we slowly but surely dubbed them as classics. Nowadays the progression of technology and special effects techniques generates new horror films that push limits in terms of fright, creativity, and shocking content. We now have cannibal horror, fantasy horror, and alien horror, among many other categories. It feels as if most horror fans were content with the decline of slasher flicks and the rise of zombie exploitation, while the others found themselves reaching for their trusted DVDs, and not movie tickets. 2014’s Girl House brought us back to those core horror movies, the ones with boobs, blood, and sad-but-funny death scenes.

The title and basic plot description sounds like a porno. I wasn’t at all interested in watching this fuck fest of a movie with a bit of bottled blood and a whole lot of bad acting but I was genuinely and happily proved wrong. It kept me entertained from the first second to the last. Was I overly excited to see another horror movie spotlighting female nudity? No, not at all. Was I glad that they chose some decent actresses with above average looks? Oh yeah. Understanding the story line automatically gears the audiences’ expectations of the characters to be hot, considering they’re webcam models. Webcamming is a modern practice that nearly everyone has encountered or participated in. It really is mainstream and more excepted in certain circles. A lot cheaper than buying porn! This spin on a classic plot really does refresh it for 2015 viewers and was definitely a lucrative selling strategy.

I’ll break this flick down for you, by the factors:

Sex: Plenty of it, at least for me. Boobs, woohoo! Some sex, woohoo! This ain’t your Kevin Bacon sex either. This is pornography sex.

Blood: Lots of it. Nice, bright red syrupy blood. The death scenes were interesting but nothing new. One chick did die from one of her own dildos though. Not cool.

Acting: Don’t worry guys, you can watch this without cringing. The majority of the cast was well chosen and the dialogue wasn’t too shabby either. There was one girl in the house that spoke like 3 words and for good reason (she couldn’t act worth a shit, shh.)

Kylie’s relationship with geeky-boy was really cute and really believable as well. Natural feeling on-screen relationships always sell me.

Plot: I mean, what the hell do you want? We know there’s a tormented ugly sicko out there who hates women and wants to murder them. He eventually gets down to it and there’s always one chick who beats his ass. The end.

The webcamming aspect was unrealistic in certain aspects: most models just jerk off on camera, not have full blown sex. Also, the location of the “secluded, protected” house was easy enough for a 20 something college kid to find in 2 hours, why hasn’t there been murderers creeping on them before? Come on now.

But seriously, watch this. Not with your kids or your parents. Maybe with some popcorn. Just don’t get off to it, that’d be weird, okay?

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