Admit it. There’s a part of you that absolutely loathes the commercialized, candy coated, overpriced, and overstuffed holiday of Valentine’s Day. Did you think I was talking about Christmas? Almost, except for Valentine’s Day, you have to buy ONE PERFECT GIFT for your SIGNIFICANT other. If you’re single, you and your wallet have lucked out. Congratulations. However, there may be an inkling of loneliness on this upcoming joke of a holiday…or not. Whatever. If you and your partner happen to hate things together, hating this holiday as a pair should be no problem. Let it blow over with some in-your-face-I-hate-you-and-I- hate-love movies with generally bad endings. You’re welcome.
Here’s the list, freaks:
1.) Valentine (2001)
This horrible slasher/stalker movie was the corniest crapfest of its year but dammit, I still love it. Starring Denise Richards, Marley Shelton, and David Boreanaz,
2.) Bride of Frankenstein (1935)
This bittersweet classic depicts our unlovable monster, Frankenstein’s monster, looking for love in a dead lady, only to be heartbroken and lonely again when she is resurrected and insta-terrified of him. Sucks to be you, brah.
3.) My Bloody Valentine (1981)
OBVIOUS REASONS, ahem.
4.) Bride of Chucky (1998)
This plastic duo hate each other to the point of violence but they hate everyone else more, so it has to be true love. Chucky and Tiffany show up, fuck shit up, fuck each other, and do it all over again. Definitely the romantic comedy to spice up your night.
5.) Maniac (2013)
Elijah Woods really tears it up with the ladies in this film. They just happen to be plastic and donning scalps of recently murdered women, courtesy of Elijah Woods. Not necessarily a romance genre by any means, Maniac might explain all the creepy, forever single guys out there. JK..not really.
Others to consider:
Sleep Away Camp/Dracula/The Phantom of the Opera