Pieces

The Best Romances in Horror

Red hearts, pink candies, bloody movies. It’s Valentine’s week! Oh, I do love the splashes of color for V-Day. Stuffed animals and roses aren’t all that bad, right? As long as there’s wine in that stuffed animal…anyways. This holiday is my only excuse to focus on the mushy aspect of gore filled flicks, so bear with me.

I’m giving you the run down of my personal favorite love stories in horror movies, whether it be between man and woman, man and a corpse, monster and victim, etc. etc. Love is not a choice, you know!

Dracula and Mina Harker 

What a love story man. Super bad-ass solider and torturer loses his one and only, and renounces the big G-O-D for it. Comes back centuries later as a super bad-ass monster with three hot wives to stalk down and confuse the reincarnated version of his one and only. So sweet. Still, whatever the connection Mina and Prince Vlad has is one strong enough to convince her that no matter how monstrous and cruel he is, he doesn’t deserve to be hunted down and murdered. Aww.

dracula

Vladdy getting that 2nd base.

Freddy and Nancy

I know, I know. What the fuck. Sure, these two shared a weird, unwelcome phone kiss but Freddy did keep her alive for a pretty damn long time. Was it just his sick, twisted sense of excitement or was it something else, like love….probably an impure, sadistic, and pedophilia love, but still. These two were like cat and mouse, always outwitting each other. Perfect enemies? Or perfect couple? Hmm… (Also, the amount of fan art depicting these two as an item is overwhelming, so I know I’m not the only one shipping this!)

She wants that sweater'd D.

       She wants that sweater’d D.

Frank and Julia

Ugh, these two. So devoted to each other, it makes me sick. Even though Julia is “happily” married, she still reminisces about the good old days of her and her husband’s hot brother, Frank, hard banging on a rainy day. When she discovers that he’s easily *ahem* erected by spilled blood, she goes on a head bashing rampage in order to get her old squeeze some new skin to caress her with. Even after their hot fling fizzles and goes south, she finds her way back with a renewed love of self. And skin.

Mmmm, moist.

                                        Mmmm, moist.

Hannibal and Clarice

Similar to the creepy relationship of Freddy and Nancy, this duo can’t get enough of each other. The cunning and cannibalistic doctor has taken a liking to the ambitious FBI agent assigned to pick his brains but he ends up picking at hers and even perhaps tugging at her heartstrings? No? Fine. Regardless of their “formal” relationship of cop and criminal, they undeniably share chemistry, a chemistry that would automatically be denied if questioned. Yet, Clarice just can’t get enough of those romantic meetings and Hannibal just can’t bring himself to eat her up, unless she becomes totally rude. Sigh.

clarice

Hello… Is it fava beans you’re looking for?

Patrick Bateman and Patrick Bateman

This is hands down the purest, most intense love affair in horror history. Patrick loved him, himself, and he alone. Narcissistic and self-obsessive, Patrick is not only rich and beautiful but “utterly insane” as well. Are you an average looking prostitute with blonde hair looking for a fun and rough time? Then Patrick is your guy. Don’t ask him how much his place is though because that’s none of your business. Want to turn him on? Don’t just look at it, eat it.  Oh, and Phil Collins’ ‘Sussudio’? That’s his fucking jam.

Looking good, Patty man!

Looking good, Patty man!

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